When we hear the names Seneca, Epictetus and Marcus Aurelius and the word Stoicism our eyes may glaze over because does it really matter what “some long-dead dudes from almost 2000 years ago have said?” In her book, REASONS NOT TO WORRY, Australian journalist Brigid Delaney has made the Stoics accessible and relatable to everyday life. She describes how she queried the Stoic principles but now uses them as a tool to regain a sense of agency and tranquillity.
One of the main principles in Stoicism is to learn to determine which things in life are within our control and which are outside our control. It is a waste of energy to worry about things outside our control. Essentially, our field of control consists of our own actions and reactions, our desires, our character and how we treat others. The rest – including our bodies, the actions of others, our reputation, and our fortunes (personal and financial) – are out of our control. Delaney uses the control-test several times per day to create a calm when previously events would have rattled her.
Some of the Stoic principles may be a bit hard to swallow. Stoics believe that ‘hope’ sets unrealistic expectations about an uncertain future, and this creates fear and anxiety. Delaney describes a friend who is ill with cancer and who is told by people around her that “she’s got this” and to “stay positive”. But these well-intentioned comments fall in the category of toxic positivity because it assigns a level of control that the patient simply does not have and offer no comfort or understanding when they are confronted with real pain and even death.
The Stoics also believe that you should grieve your loved ones while they are still living. Doing so, you are more inclined to ‘greedily enjoy’ them. The same goes for your own death. Reminding ourselves frequently that we will die will bring focus to the only thing that matters, the present moment.
These ‘long-dead dudes' can still teach us a lesson or two and Brigid Delaney showed us how in a relatable way.
Wilma
